Harry Potter & the Magical Snapple Genie
by xlonelytylenolx
Summary: Harry Potter meets a magical snapple genie...oddness happens
1. sumthing in my snapple

Disclaimer: obviously you all know Harry Potter belongs to the amazing JK Rowling…the idea for the 'magical snapple genie' was taken from the story "Harry Potter & the Evil Chipmunk" by Emerald Earth. You don't need to read her story to understand this one because they are not really related, just both have a magical snapple genie in them LoL, but I suggest you do cause it's fucking hysterical!

At this point, I'm not really sure where I'm going with this story, so it may be short, it may be long…this is the first fanfiction I've actually written out, so I'd really appreciate reviews! I'm not gonna write anymore until I get some! When it takes place isn't really all that specific cause the story is just meant to be a bit wacky, but it does take place some time towards the summer, like the last few days of school. Oh, but of course…you might wanna read it LoL:

It was a hot day. Yes, quite hot. Too hot. Way too hot, even. You might think that one would get thirsty on a day such as this. Well…you'd be right. Harry Potter was sitting in the Gryffindor common room feeling thirsty. And hot.

_Pumpkin juice_, He thought to himself. _Yes…ice cold pumpkin juice. Need some. Need some now. Can't get up…too hot…need get up. Need pumpkin juice…need get up now._ But he was fighting a losing battle. As much as he wanted that refreshing pumpkin juice, he could not bring himself to move. Of course, it was at this time that he remembered the mango madness snapple that he had given Ron. _No! You can't drink that! That's for Mr. Weasely! You promised him that you'd send him some of that 'odd muggle drink that they _learn_ things from'!_

It was true. He had. He couldn't take it back now. But then again…Snapple _was_ pretty cheap…& Ron wouldn't be going home for a couple of days! Yea…Harry could buy another one by then. He gave into temptation. "Accio mango madness snapple!"

A few minutes later, Harry had a cool, refreshing snapple in his hands. OK, well…not so much cool as refreshing, but it had been kept under Ron's bed, which kept it in the shade, so it wasn't hot. Just luke-warm…mmmm. _If you didn't pick up on that, it was sarcasm!_ No wait, sorry…Harry didn't think that! My mistake. Back to the story, then?

"Ahhh…snapple! Oh how I love you!" Harry said to himself, or rather the snapple bottle, in a singsong voice. He opened up the bottle & immediately tipped it into his mouth to drink in the delicious mango flavor, but that was not what entered his mouth. An odd, foul taste filled his mouth & orange smoke came out of his nose. Whatever had come out of that bottle was _not_ liquid! Alarmed, Harry threw the snapple bottle and opened his mouth wide. The bottle smashed against the wall and more orange smoke poured out of Harry's nose and mouth. But that was not all!

A large blob checkered like the snapple bottle's label shot out of Harry's mouth. "Ugh! That's so gross dude! You weren't supposed to swallow me!" Harry sat in awe. He did not move…did not speak. This went on for a few seconds until finally Harry managed to say "Wha-…who…what the hell?"

"Oh, so sorry! I should have introduced myself." Said the checkered blob, which Harry now saw quite resembled the genie from "Aladdin", except for the mango madness checker pattern, of course. "I am the magical snapple genie, and I will grant you 4 wishes!"

"Errrr…" Said Harry, "Isn't it normally 3?"

"Well Mr. Smartypants…tell me this! When was the last time you met a magical snapple genie?"

"Errrr…"

"That's what I thought! So I believe I'll decide what's normal around here!"


	2. meow

Okies so I got 3 reviews & more outside of the site from friends who it won't let review & I have people begging me to write more, so more is here weee! LoL, o yea Mel, it was mean to be that way to be funny, like it looked like he was thinking something but he doesn't know somebody's actually making commentary on him so he can't be thinking that…LoL arite, here's the next part:

"Everybody always wants _three_ wishes…isn't is supposed to be _three_ wishes…well, did it ever occur to you that maybe _four_ wishes is better? Huh? Did it?" Said the magical Snapple Genie exasperated. "I mean it is one more! But noooo! Three wishes is the norm, so why go against the grain? Because I'm cool and I say so, OK?"

"Errr…" Harry seemed to have lost the ability to speak. The genie baffled him and he stood there blinking. After a long silence, he found his voice, "I guess you're right. Four wishes is better, isn't it?"

"You _GUESS_?? I _AM_ right! Of course I'm right! I'm always right! I am the magical Snapple Genie!"

"A bit conceited too, though, are we?"

"Sorry…I lost my head a bit there. But I _am_ right, aren't I?" Said the genie in a way that sounded like a low self-esteemed teenager. "I mean…I thought I'd be the cool genie, granting 1 more wish than all the others…1 more wish really is better, isn't it?"

"Oh! Of course it's better!" Said Harry, for fear that the genie might burst into tears.

"Yay! I mean…your wish is my command. What would you like?"

"Well I did actually want to drink that snapple…I'm rather thirsty, you know?" Said Harry, "Hmm…I wish for an unlimited pitcher of ice cold pumpkin juice!"

"Be careful what you wish for," said the genie.

"What's wrong with what I wished for?"

"I dunno…but a man with a plunger once told me that, so I thought I'd pass on his words of wisdom."

"OK…" Said Harry as a tray with pitcher of pumpkin juice and a glass popped onto the desk with a meow. . And that's when Harry realized that spending time with this genie was going to be quite interesting. "Errr…why did it meow? Is there a cat in my pumpkin juice?"

"Oh no…that's just the noise my powers make when I produce things out of thin air!"

"Errr…I'm quite scared…"

"Don't worry about it…it's actually quite normal. When genies become official and are sent to live in a bottle, we get to pick out our own noise. There are lots to choose from. There's a bark, a moo, a cock-a-doodle-doo, a doorbell, et cetera. Is it my fault that most genie's choose the ping?"

"Well…I guess not…" Feeling much safer about the pitcher before him, he poured the pumpkin juice hastily into the glass & downed it in 1 swig. He repeated this once more and finally felt his thirst quenched.

REVIEW! LoL…more to come soon, promise


	3. flying mouse spawn

 SEQ CHAPTER \h \r 1Sorry...my computer crashed!!! I've been killing myself for the past week and I lost EVERYTHING!  I'm just glad all my chapters were posted...but I've been wanting to write more like all hell!  Ughhh I hate my new computer! I'm really bitter!! LoL...& all I have is this WordPerfect shit...I miss word! It's much better! & it doesn't have my favorite font! Century Gothic! It's such a simple font & I can't find it online for free cause it's a normal windows font...so why don't I have it?? I have windows!!!! ARGGG & I know I won't find it...I've done 4 searches already...4 thorough searches! GRRR!!!

Okies, I'd like to make note that the line in chapter 2, "I dunno...but a man with a plunger once told me that so I thought I'd pass on his words of wisdom", was taken from the movie "Max Keeble's Big Move" (I love my little Keebler Elf! LoL).  Great movie...go see it if you haven't! LoL, anyways, in it the janitor teaches him a lesson in life, "Any kid can make a mess, but it takes a man to clean it up." And Max is the narrator so you hear him go "It took a man with a plunger to make me realize..." LoL, point made! Oh, BTW Lainey, it's a humorous story...the fact that nobody happens to be around doesn't need justification cause I can't justify it! LoL Ok, on with the story, P.S. Melinda...this chapter is dedicated to you! You'll see why! LoL:

            "Ok," said Harry, "I have another wish!"

            "Yea..." said the genie.

            "I wish for flying mouse spawn!"

            "What the fuck?!'

            "Flying mouse spawn! It's an idea I got from Stuart Little 2! You see, he falls in love with a bird and that's just weird! So after contemplating what their children would look like, I came up with what I call flying mouse spawn! It's the body of a mouse, with wings and a feathered tail!"

            "And you want this because..."

            "Who _wouldn't_ want it? It's flying mouse spawn! How cool is that?!"

            "And this is cool because..."

            "Hey buddy, I'm not the one whose powers meow, **_ok?!!_** I'd have to say you're in no position to question!"

            "I told you, that's perfectly normal!"

            "Well you can just go on thinking that...are you gonna grant my wish or not?"

            "Oh...I'm gonna grant your wish...I have to!" And with a meow, a large cage filled with about 20 'flying mouse spawn' appeared.

            "Oy Vey!"

            "You're not Jewish..."

            "Errr...of course, I mean...errr...bloody hell!"

            "That is something I noticed when I read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone through Order of the Phoenix...there are no Jews at Hogwarts! What about the _Jewish_ witches and wizards? Huh? What if _they_ want to go to Hogwarts? Huh? Did J.K. Rowling ever think about that? I didn't think so!"

            "Errr...there are books written about me? And who's J.K. Rowling?"

            "Uhh...oh shit...hmmm...just pretend I never said that! Oh wait! Duhh...I'm a genie!" And with a meow, Harry forgot any mention of the 5 books that documented his life, but he was left with a strange lingering grudge against Dumbledore for not having any Jews attend Hogwarts.

            Harry felt he'd missed something.  Somehow time had lapsed, but nothing had happened.  _I guess I just majorly spaced out. Wow...what was I saying?_ Thought Harry, a bit confused. _Oh yea...flying mouse spawn..._

            "I didn't need so many flying mouse spawn! I was thinking maybe 2 or 3 so I could give 1 to Ron to replace Scabbers, but _20_?!"

            "Actually, that's 22 to be exact!"

            "Well what the hell am I supposed to do with all this flying mouse spawn?"

Sorry for the delay...whenever I wind up posting this, stupid WordPerfect can't save as an html file but my dad should be getting us word soon so if you're reading this, it means I have word & most likely have century gothic back too! LoL

YAY!!! I have word & my century gothic!! Life is goood!


	4. the lost wish

            "Hey…you said 'flying mouse spawn' plural! You didn't specify how much you wanted! How was I supposed to know that 22 is too much?" Said the genie. "Maybe that man with a plunger was right…"

            "Umm…course…man with a plunger…you think Hedwig will eat the ones I don't need?"

            "_Hedwig_? What the hell is that?"

            "Don't make fun of Hedwig! That's my owl!"

            "Who named her?"

            "I did!"

            The genie broke out into hysterical laughter.  "Hedwig? Were you on drugs when you named her?"

            "Don't make fun of me! I happen to think it's a bloody good name!"

            "Well then, you must be bloody **stupid**!"

            Harry lunged at the genie, only to find that he isn't exactly solid. He slammed into the wall hard and fell to the ground, sore all over. "Ouchhhh…I wish I hadn't done that!" and with a meow, Harry was standing back where he had been before he had lunged at the genie. "What…did…you…do?"

            "I granted your wish! _Relax!_ Now, you haven't done that! You have 1 wish left!"

            "Damn it! I didn't mean to wish for that…I was just saying that it would have been nicer if I'd known you weren't solid…I didn't want you to actually grant that wish! What if I had 2 more things I wanted to wish for?"

            "Well then you'd be out of luck! You know…I really think people underestimate the power of the man with a plunger! I mean 'be careful what you wish for'…that's some damn good advice right there! Maybe if you'd met the man with a plunger & heard it directly from him it would've had a bigger impact on you."

            "**I do _not_ need advice from a man with a plunger, OK????** I would be FINE if you weren't so damn stupid, OK??" Said Harry, then after calming down a bit, "Duh! I'll give the rest of the flying mouse spawn to Hagrid! He can use them for his Care of Magical Creatures class!"

            "Umm sure…you do that…" They sat in silence for a while, neither having anything to say. After a while, the genie spoke, "So…what's your last wish?"

            "I haven't got the slightest clue!"

            "WHAT?? I thought you knew of 2 things you wanted to wish for!"

            "No…I was just saying what _if_ I had 2 more things, I'm not sure what else I want though!"

            "Oh great…am I going to be here all night waiting?"

            "Would that annoy you greatly?"

            "Yea it would! Think up a damn wish!"

            "Then perhaps I will make you wait…" said Harry, smirking.

Hopefully more to come soon…I'm having a bit of writers block now…


	5. The end

Ok, by motivation from Heather because I love you so much, I reread my story and I got an idea to finish it…credit Melinda for a brilliant way to end a story hehe…

"37 bottles of butterbeer on the wall, 37 bottles of butterbeer, take 1 down, pass it around, 36 bottles of butterbeer on the wall! 36 bottles of butterbeer on the wall, 36 bottles of-  "

"Oh, will you shut up??!!" Harry cut the genie off.  He was greatly regretting his decision to annoy the genie by making him wait all night.

            "Not until you use your last wish! But I'll sing a different song!'

            "Oh no…"

            "This is the song that never ends…yes it goes on and on my friend…some people started- "

            "Ahhh no, that's worse!!"

            "Do you _wish_ I would stop?"

            "No!!"

            "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves….everybody's nerves…everybody's nerves! I know a song a song that gets on everybody's nerves- "

            "Alright, alright! I have a forth wish you silly buffoon!"

            "Yay!! What is it? What is it? …Did you just call me a silly buffoon…"

            "Errr…no…where would you get a silly idea like that?"

            "Yea…ok then…your wish?"

            "I wish that I had a harmless pet dragon…emphasis on HARMLESS!" Harry said. He wanted to give the dragon to Hagrid and it wouldn't be dangerous and they could name it Norbert II! And with a meow, a gigantic dragon appeared. 

But it was not harmless.  It took in a deep breath and breathed out a gigantic breath of fiery flames. And they all died. The end.

Pretty short, but I hope you liked it lol


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